Chinese boy, I am not
Tyler brought home his first teacher’s note of his First Grade year last week. It’s never good when you get a teacher’s note, and it’s no exception in this case. Here’s what the note said:
Hello Mrs. (insert my name),
I wanted to inform you of an incident that happened today between Tyler and another boy.
The boy was making fun of Tyler’s lunch then proceeded to call him “chinese boy”. Tyler punched him in the mouth. I spoke to both boys individually as well as the whole class about appropriate behavior. I also talked to them about feelings getting hurt or getting angry at others they must tell a teacher-not put their hands on anyone.
Both boys apologized-I wanted to inform you so you can talk to Tyler in the event it comes up at home.
Thank you,
Mrs (insert her name)
Here’s what I packed for Tyler’s lunch. Yup! You guessed it right, rice wrapped in Nori, as in the seaweed that is used to make sushi. My children have been introduced to a variety of foods since they were young, and they’re one of those kids who would pass up chicken nuggets (tell me about it!) for brocolli & cheddar soup.
I had to find out Tyler’s version and here was our conversation.
Me: Tyler, what happened at school today during lunch?
Tyler: Oh, nothing (until he saw me reading the note to which he said). She (his teacher) sent that to you?
Me: Uh yup, so what happened at lunch? (speaking calmly)
Tyler: Nick said my lunch looked like poop.
Me: Really (horrified) and did he say anything else?
Tyler (shrugged shoulders): Nothing else.
Me: Did he call you “Chinese boy?”
Tyler (grinning sheepishly): Oh yeah, he did.
I proceeded to tell him that hitting or punching (in this case) was not accepted behavior and that you can hurt somebody, and to go and tell the teacher instead. We do not condone any violent behaviors. He nodded his head in regret. And I was so relieved that Nick calling him “Chinese boy” didn’t even faze him and that he was more upset with Nick comparing his lunch to poop.
I was so surprised that Tyler would ever lift a finger to hurt anyone. When I told my family and neighbors, they all had the same reaction “Tyler? NO! Not Tyler!” And after meeting with his teacher at a Parent-Teacher conference last week, she voiced the same sentiment “I felt so bad for Tyler, his Kindergarten teacher was very surprised when I told her what happened and this boy must have been taunting and taunting him about his lunch for Tyler to do that!
If you’ve been reading my blog, you probably know by now that Tyler is a sensitive, caring, considerate and mild- mannered boy (he does have his moments of melt-downs of course). I’m always fearful that he might be picked on because of the aforementioned characteristics. And this action totally caught us off guard.
Honestly, in a way, we were secretly proud of Tyler that he stood up to this boy who insulted his food, but we certainly didn’t announce that to Tyler in fear that he thinks we condone his “Rocky” behavior.
Although we have educated (as best we could) Tyler that he is half Korean and half Vietnamese, I don’t think he completely understood what it meant to be of a different race, having black hair instead of brown, or almond-shaped eyes instead of round. After this incident (I can only assume) in his mind, he thinks he looks and talks the same as any other boy his age. And I’m glad that he feels that way. He didn’t ask me once why Nick called him “Chinese boy”.
My hubbie and I have experienced some form of prejudices in our lives growing up in the U.S., and that it won’t ever be the last. We will teach our children (as our parents have taught us) that we are no different than anybody else in this country. As long as you work hard and strive to be a decent person to society and to your family, it doesn’t matter the color of your skin or the shape of your eyes.
We don’t have a chip on our shoulders requesting special treatments because of our minority status. To me, that’s more detrimental of a message to our race and to the future of our children. We can’t ever erase ignorance, it’s just the fact of life. How do we deal with ignorant people? We make light of it and we move on. That’s always have been the case with us, unless someone is blatantly insulting me or my loved ones to my face, and then…I might have to open a can of “whoopass” on them.
These are some of my pet peeves in my previous encounters with ignorant people:
- If you assume that I can’t speak English, you don’t need to speak loudly to me. Not being able to speak the language does not equate to being DEAF!
- Don’t strike up a conversation with me by speaking (your limited Chinese) to me. There are 48 other Asians countries in this big universe besides China and we all speak a different language.
- Just because I’m Asian, don’t assume that I will kowtow and be all subservient. You’re messing with the wrong Mama.
- I know it’s all funny and everything, but we don’t eat PuPu platter on a daily basis.
- And yes, I do speak English NOT “American” as you ignoramus asked me at a mall once.
How about you? Have you ever experience any snide remarks because of your gender, race or religion? If so, how did you react to the situation? Please do tell, it’s good life lessons for me while I will no doubt be dealing more with these issues as my children grow older and living in a non-diversed town.
Tyler brought home his first teacher’s note of his First Grade year last week. It’s never good when you get a teacher’s note, and it’s no exception in this case. Here’s what the note said:
Hello Mrs. (insert my name),
I wanted to inform you of an incident that happened today between Tyler and another boy.
The boy was making fun of Tyler’s lunch then proceeded to call him “chinese boy”. Tyler punched him in the mouth. I spoke to both boys individually as well as the whole class about appropriate behavior. I also talked to them about feelings getting hurt or getting angry at others they must tell a teacher-not put their hands on anyone.
Both boys apologized-I wanted to inform you so you can talk to Tyler in the event it comes up at home.
Thank you,
Mrs (insert her name)
Here’s what I packed for Tyler’s lunch. Yup! You guessed it right, rice wrapped in Nori, as in the seaweed that is used to make sushi. My children have been introduced to a variety of foods since they were young, and they’re one of those kids who would pass up chicken nuggets (tell me about it!) for brocolli & cheddar soup.
I had to find out Tyler’s version and here was our conversation.
Me: Tyler, what happened at school today during lunch?
Tyler: Oh, nothing (until he saw me reading the note to which he said). She (his teacher) sent that to you?
Me: Uh yup, so what happened at lunch? (speaking calmly)
Tyler: Nick said my lunch looked like poop.
Me: Really (horrified) and did he say anything else?
Tyler (shrugged shoulders): Nothing else.
Me: Did he call you “Chinese boy?”
Tyler (grinning sheepishly): Oh yeah, he did.
I proceeded to tell him that hitting or punching (in this case) was not accepted behavior and that you can hurt somebody, and to go and tell the teacher instead. We do not condone any violent behaviors. He nodded his head in regret. And I was so relieved that Nick calling him “Chinese boy” didn’t even faze him and that he was more upset with Nick comparing his lunch to poop.
I was so surprised that Tyler would ever lift a finger to hurt anyone. When I told my family and neighbors, they all had the same reaction “Tyler? NO! Not Tyler!” And after meeting with his teacher at a Parent-Teacher conference last week, she voiced the same sentiment “I felt so bad for Tyler, his Kindergarten teacher was very surprised when I told her what happened and this boy must have been taunting and taunting him about his lunch for Tyler to do that!
If you’ve been reading my blog, you probably know by now that Tyler is a sensitive, caring, considerate and mild- mannered boy (he does have his moments of melt-downs of course). I’m always fearful that he might be picked on because of the aforementioned characteristics. And this action totally caught us off guard.
Honestly, in a way, we were secretly proud of Tyler that he stood up to this boy who insulted his food, but we certainly didn’t announce that to Tyler in fear that he thinks we condone his “Rocky” behavior.
Although we have educated (as best we could) Tyler that he is half Korean and half Vietnamese, I don’t think he completely understood what it meant to be of a different race, having black hair instead of brown, or almond-shaped eyes instead of round. After this incident (I can only assume) in his mind, he thinks he looks and talks the same as any other boy his age. And I’m glad that he feels that way. He didn’t ask me once why Nick called him “Chinese boy”.
My hubbie and I have experienced some form of prejudices in our lives growing up in the U.S., and that it won’t ever be the last. We will teach our children (as our parents have taught us) that we are no different than anybody else in this country. As long as you work hard and strive to be a decent person to society and to your family, it doesn’t matter the color of your skin or the shape of your eyes.
We don’t have a chip on our shoulders requesting special treatments because of our minority status. To me, that’s more detrimental of a message to our race and to the future of our children. We can’t ever erase ignorance, it’s just the fact of life. How do we deal with ignorant people? We make light of it and we move on. That’s always have been the case with us, unless someone is blatantly insulting me or my loved ones to my face, and then…I might have to open a can of “whoopass” on them.
These are some of my pet peeves in my previous encounters with ignorant people:
- If you assume that I can’t speak English, you don’t need to speak loudly to me. Not being able to speak the language does not equate to being DEAF!
- Don’t strike up a conversation with me by speaking (your limited Chinese) to me. There are 48 other Asians countries in this big universe besides China and we all speak a different language.
- Just because I’m Asian, don’t assume that I will kowtow and be all subservient. You’re messing with the wrong Mama.
- I know it’s all funny and everything, but we don’t eat PuPu platter on a daily basis.
- And yes, I do speak English NOT “American” as you ignoramus asked me at a mall once.
How about you? Have you ever experience any snide remarks because of your gender, race or religion? If so, how did you react to the situation? Please do tell, it’s good life lessons for me while I will no doubt be dealing more with these issues as my children grow older and living in a non-diversed town.
I’m sure I have heard several ignoramous comments, but not nearly as many as I think you have. Mine are inconsequential. I’m lucky. I know.
When I saw the Survivor split into racial groups this season I immediately thought the Asian tribe would have difficulty simply because there are so many different asian groups…(and I said that poorly because I am ignorant.) I’ve been happy to be proven wrong thus far.
By far, I love reading your blog because it doesn’t matter what race we are, we’re Mamas and that’s what matters.
And your kids are pretty darn cute too…
I have to say that I’ve been lucky not to have experienced much racism personally. I am Italian-American. My mother and paternal grandparents were born in Italy, but for all intents and purposes I’m seen as “White” here. My husband, though, is Mexican-American and he has experienced some prejudices. Little examples are: His name is Miguel and yet people often call him Manual at work (pronounced as in a book “manual”). Uh, hello. That’s not a NAME. And they’ve said things like, “wow, you only have one sibling? I thought all Mexicans had big families.” Stuff like that. People are so ignorant sometimes. It’s highly annoying.
As the saying goes…..there’s always a first time. He may have had it already.
Thanks for stopping by.
Poor Tyler! I know that we’re taught to abhor violence as a means of solving problems but, at the same time, I’m glad Tyler smacked the kid. Maybe now that boy will learn a lesson. Personally, having grown up Asian-American in a predominantly white environment, I’ve had to deal with many issues of race all my life (as it sounds like you have too.) And while I’m generally an easy-going guy, this is my hot button. When it comes to race, I don’t take shit from anyone. That doesn’t mean that I get into fights but I also feel it’s important not to back down.
I live in a different country where we were to applaud the fact that we were not the same… that we were all different… and through ethnic diversity we were all the same….And that is what I grewup with…
That being said my neighbourhod has changed to a predominantly white neighbourhood and I feel that my daughtert is losing out on a whole world of culture… and for this I am sad…
I failed to mention in my post that the day after the “incident”, Tyler sat down and had lunch with Nick and everything was the same. As if nothing had ever happened between them. And I’m glad. I guess kids will be kids. Maybe we (or I) all could learn a thing or two from them regarding “forgiveness”.
When I was in college one of my best friends was a dwarf. You wouldn’t believe the things people would say when they thought he couldn’t hear them.
The way I see it, as long as there’s people, there’s always going to be ignorance.
BTW, we had a LOT of fun with the fact that I’m 6′4″ and he… well, wasn’t!
Well, I look white but I’m also Native American and African American. I grew up in a place where most people were racist, it is sickening and I hate it! I love to learn about all cultures and how boring would the world be if we were all the same?
I say good for you Tyler, stick up for yourself and your food!
Once, I was building a house for charity and the house leader wouldn’t let me hammer a nail. Everytime I went to do it, he’d rush over and nail it before I could do it. I asked him to let me and as he walked away from me he said, “How am I going to feel like a man if you don’t let me do it for you?” He was pretty far from me so I yelled, “YOU NEED ME TO NEED YOU IN ORDER TO FEEL LIKE A MAN?” I hammered a lot for the rest of the day, undisturbed by him.
Re: the nori… what I wouldn’t give for that lunch! Stupid other child.
You have such a wonderfully refreshing attitude about being a minority. I hate to even type that because aren’t we all, somewhere down the geneological line, from a different country or race? I know my ancestors weren’t originally from America even though I am Caucasian and white as milk toast.
And GREAT JOB on teaching your children to eat a variety of foods! I have one child that will try anything and one that will eat only a handful of foods.
Yikes…. I forget about attitudes out there.
Sounds like you and your son handled things just fine. It’s hard to know what is the right way to deal with an issue like this. You’re helping your son through some valuable lessons.
Kelly
My new address: 2passthetorch.com
Darn, I deleted your email before reading it! I saw it there after I pressed the delete button. Poof! Gone.
Sorry…
Jeff~There’s a reality show on TLC that’s called “Little people, Big world” and I really enjoy watching it to get a perspective from these folks. And they are just like you and I trying to survive in this big world.
Oh, The Joys Jessica~ Good for you for being persistent and not let a mere ignoramus of a man detered you from doing what you can, hammer that little nails.
Tonya and Pass the Torch Kelly~Thank you for the compliment but I have to credit my parents for teaching us to be tolerant of people’s ignorance.
Poor Tyler. He handled himself well even if it did get a bit violent. Sometimes you gotta fight to get your point across, even though I understand you not condoing this.
I wish above all else, that people could get past the racism crap and see people as….PEOPLE!
Hang in there, hun.
The implications of this make me sad — not because Tyler and Nick wouldn’t be able to work it out (because obviously they did, and will continue to be friends) but because Nick is obviously getting that phrase from SOMEWHERE. I am hopeful that in some cases, the younger generation — our kids — will be able to stand up and correct their parents when less-than-correct (and certainly less than politically correct) statements are made.
I’m half Chinese and half Filipino. When I was in Chinese school, they made fun of my brown skin since allof them sported white complexion. When I was in a Filipino college, they envied my being Chinese coz its an advantage.
There have been many times that I was discriminated at by the Chinese community coz they taught I was Filipina. I didn’t let it get to me. My point being that I am much superior and I’ve taught myself that anyone who makes fun of someone is doing so to cover up their own insecurity and those people are PITIFUL.
What Nancy said. It’s sadly obvious that this boy has heard slurs flung around. But saying that someone else’s lunch looks like poop? That’s definite first grade type behavior.
I’m also glad that Tyler stood up for himself. Maybe he could whip out a snappy comeback next time (instead of his fist…).
And I’ve not seen much discrimination on the basis of race or gender, but I’ve been called out for my godlessness. That’s always fun - explaining that I can - and do - have morals even though I’m not working toward those Pearly Gates.
Well, Dave and I are about as white as they come. Sigh. I always wished I had a little culture! Some heritage to pass on to Annabelle…
I grew up in an area that was probably 35-40 percent Asian and 10 plus percent Hispanic. I hardly notice people’s race. My best friend growing up was Korean. And so I grew up eating some crazy food at her house! We still hang out a lot- last year she told me that people always assumed that she was her daughter’s nanny. I was so shocked and upset over it that I hardly knew how to talk with her about it. That kind of insidious racism is the worst because it’s so blatantly ignorant, not meant to be mean, and yet entirely ethnocentric! AACK!
Your list was great, by the way. I will always support anyone patient enough to attempt educating the ignorant!!!
You did great with your son too!
Although I agreed with Nancy’s comment that our kids should correct their parents when less than pc phrases were used. But at the same time, that phrase “politically correct” just doesn’t sit well with me.
It conjures up images of people being afraid (for instance) to call an Asian person- yellow skin, or a Black person-black. They have to sort of “tip-toe” around what’s appropriate or not when discussing one’s race in fear of not being pc. And that to me is more ignorant than actually stating the fact. Yes, we are Asians and we have yellow skin, it’s a fact. Nothing is wrong with that. If you’re (general term you) trying to please everyone with being pc, well then, you’re going to have a hard time doing that.
One of my favorite shows on tv is “Rescue Me” with Dennis Leary and let me tell you, it deals with all subject matter and there’s nothing pc about that show, it’s provocative, it’s pushing the envelope. But you know what, it’s tv, it’s entertainment. I’m not one to say “hey, that’s not pc. Let’s ban the show” b/c again, it’s entertainment. But if someone acts out from watching the show, well then it’s not just pc…it’s criminal.
I would have been tempted to punch that kid myself.
Being Asian-American growing up in L.A. I’ve had to deal with quite a bit of racism during my life. My girls are half Japanese and half Caucsian but look more Asian and I know that they too have been called derogatory names a few times. It always amazes me how, in 2006, that some people’s racist attitudes remain unchanged.
( know you will relate to this)
Sorry for the bad link. It’s here
Great post, Betty! And I agree with MetroDad. It’s a tough line to walk, but sometimes, ya gotta stand up for yourself. Poor little guy.
I’m Mexican-American, and some of the worst forms of bigotry I’ve encountered has come from my own people. They EXPECT me to be ultra-fluent in Spanish. Or know how to whip up some chile rellenos. Or practice Catholicism. It’s disheartening how rampant ignorance is. On the other hand, I see hope in the newer generations… like in Tyler.
I have not read ALL the comments.
The fact that Tyler and Nick both got beyond the hassle the next day, I find that the greatest comment on the reality of being “different” in any way in today’s culture.
Kids are cruel. That has been a fact since (and before) I was a teen 20+ years ago. I once punched a kid (in 7th grade) for calling me a “kike.” After I punched him, he threw a large-wire “gym-basket” (locker room type) at me and broke my nose. With blood running down my face, I hit him again, in the gut, and knocked the wind out of him. Then we were pulled apart.
This was the first time I had EVER thrown a punch. My parents were horrified.
The next day (after I’d been to my Doctor), in the Vice-Principal’s office, Pete (the guy who called me “kike”) laughed, apologised, and became friends on the spot. I was never called a kike again at school.
Pete and I are still friends, in our 40s.
I’m not a father, and I don’t approve of violence, but I’m suspicious that this sort of fightingis some sot of a “rite of passage.” Obviously, Tyler passed. God bless him.
I apologise if my last comment didn’t address your issue. I was more facinated by the similarity to my experience.
The picture of Tyler’s lunch looked (possibly) delicious to me, and I briefly dated a young Korean woman whom I originally mistook to be Japanese. She was a wonderful lady, and she taught me alot, even though the relationship went sour.
“We don’t have a chip on our shoulders requesting special treatments because of our minority status. To me, that’s more detrimental of a message to our race and to the future of our children.”
I completely agree. We are all human, and therefore deserving of respect.
I have no more way to express the fact that your article moved me.
recently, i was watching a television show called “vroom vroom” on sky one, they were being racist to the irish guy they had on. it really offended me, and it also shocked me, that a tv show could be so blatantly racist, and not get into any trouble, and if it was a black person, or an asian or any kind of minority they would have gotten into an unbeleivable amount of trouble!
also, i recently tried sea-weed, it was awful! but then again, i grew up with fairly limited choices in food.
it also annoys me that people in a minority or racial group can call each other in that group of people a racist term, but if someone not of that group origin cannot.
Well,although as a Mommy I am NOT suppose to say this, I am glad that Tyler stuck up for himself! And I would assume, as had been mentioned previously, that his reaction was more his age than anything. I think it’s AWESOME that you are raising your kids to be proud of themselves without making them feel like they are different from everyone else. That has got to be a delicate balance to reach. Good for you!
My biggest problem is the attitutudes that are common about people who are overweight. It drives me BATTY. All the jokes and jabs at fat people are just so silly and uniformed. I am a fat girl and I do NOT eat more than “normal” sized people and I am just as busy as “normal” people too. I also work very hard and am not lazy. Well, i am kinda lazy, but I am just very busy. Anyway. that’s my pet peeve. I HATE fat jokes they really really annoy me.
thanks for letting me vent.
Waya- I totally agree with you about not requesting special treatment as a minority. It only hurts us in the end. Just a level playing field.
And hearing that the two boys forgot about the incident is hopeful. Why can’t we stay that way? Innocent and forgiving?
That lunch is making me jealous. And hungry.