I’m not ready
The digital clock on my bedside table is registering at 3:28AM. I’ve been awake staring at the the little light peeking through the curtains on the wall for the past 45 minutes, after my usual night time bathroom break. The many perks of being pregnant, I tell you.
As if the baby knows that I’m up…he’s moving around ever so gently in my belly as if to say “I’m here with you Mommy! Now go feed me because I’m hungry!”
A million thoughts went through my mind as I lay there listening to my hubbie’s rhythmic breathing, one of them is the urge to shake him from his peaceful slumber so he can join me in this nocturnal annoyance. But I resisted, I don’t think he would be too thrill to share the same sentiment. So, my mind wanders…
Although I bragged talked about my tolerance of labor pains, I am not ready!
The realization came this past weekend, as I felt that the baby has “dropped” (in position to go down “the chute” any day now) and I’ve experienced some prelabor contractions, aka Braxton Hicks (even though I have 6-7 weeks to go before the big day.)
I’m not ready to feel the labor pains…again!
I’m not ready to leave my three adorable children for two days or more while recovering in the hospital.
I’m not ready to have my routine life interrupted…yet.
But honestly, I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. This should be like a walk in the park, putting on an old pair of shoes, a piece of cake, right? I’ve been there, done that, right? Three times prior, which earned me an affectionate nickname from my hubbie as “the bull”. But still, I’m afraid.
As I sat in our darkened office, typing this post and quenching my hunger with a banana, tears started to form and pouring down like the rain we had last week. Oh the hormones, how I hate thou! I feel so inadequate and weak for having these thoughts and confessing it in these written words. But alas, there it is…I’m not ready and I’m scared. I hope the feelings will subside as I count down to the day when I can hold my healthy baby boy in my hands, and be surrounded by my three pride and joy, Tyler, Trent and Sophia.
The digital clock on my bedside table is registering at 3:28AM. I’ve been awake staring at the the little light peeking through the curtains on the wall for the past 45 minutes, after my usual night time bathroom break. The many perks of being pregnant, I tell you.
As if the baby knows that I’m up…he’s moving around ever so gently in my belly as if to say “I’m here with you Mommy! Now go feed me because I’m hungry!”
A million thoughts went through my mind as I lay there listening to my hubbie’s rhythmic breathing, one of them is the urge to shake him from his peaceful slumber so he can join me in this nocturnal annoyance. But I resisted, I don’t think he would be too thrill to share the same sentiment. So, my mind wanders…
Although I bragged talked about my tolerance of labor pains, I am not ready!
The realization came this past weekend, as I felt that the baby has “dropped” (in position to go down “the chute” any day now) and I’ve experienced some prelabor contractions, aka Braxton Hicks (even though I have 6-7 weeks to go before the big day.)
I’m not ready to feel the labor pains…again!
I’m not ready to leave my three adorable children for two days or more while recovering in the hospital.
I’m not ready to have my routine life interrupted…yet.
But honestly, I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. This should be like a walk in the park, putting on an old pair of shoes, a piece of cake, right? I’ve been there, done that, right? Three times prior, which earned me an affectionate nickname from my hubbie as “the bull”. But still, I’m afraid.
As I sat in our darkened office, typing this post and quenching my hunger with a banana, tears started to form and pouring down like the rain we had last week. Oh the hormones, how I hate thou! I feel so inadequate and weak for having these thoughts and confessing it in these written words. But alas, there it is…I’m not ready and I’m scared. I hope the feelings will subside as I count down to the day when I can hold my healthy baby boy in my hands, and be surrounded by my three pride and joy, Tyler, Trent and Sophia.
I think anyone would be somewhat afraid, even with three stellar examples of your capabilities at hand! Wishing you all the best.
Hang in there friend. I’m thinking of you!
Sending happy thoughts your way!
keep looking at your three pride and joy, keep thinking about the exhilaration, the miracle, the boundless love. and next time, wake up the hubby!
I’ll be thinking of you. XOXO.
Betty, your world will be filled with even more love! I think it’s normal to feel this way though. You are an incredible mother.
I think it’s only natural to be scared of labor. What woman isn’t? I’m sure you’ll do great when the time comes.
Kailani
An Island Life
Thinking of you Honey… The birds are chirping over here and I yet I am right beside you…You can do this…
We are all here thinking good thoughts your way to your wonderful family and give your wee belly a rub…He will come when you are ready…
Thinking good thoughts for you.
Ah, dude, I know. I was thinking this same thing last night. I actually started crying thinking about having a c-section and how scared I am. And how I don’t wanna. But you said it all so much better. Know you’re not alone even if it feels like that.
Oh no! don’t feel inadequate. It’s a huge step, having another child, whether you have 1 or 10 at home. You never know what to expect. You think you’ve done it before but maybe this one is different? I’m sure your feeling will subside the moment you lay your eyes on that beautiful, precious little boy. BTW, any names picked out yet?
Occasionally I’ll think about that last contraction that I get just before the baby comes and it’s the best birth control there is
But seriously, nothing like impending labor to make you introspective and rather sober. I can’t imagine facing it 100 years ago when it was so common to die during it. Knowing that you might not come out of the experience alive–or with your child alive–would be very sobering.
Fear is normal. Yes, you’ve been there before … three times … but there’s still an unknown element with each pregnancy and birth.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers!
I’m guessing that once things start happening you won’t have time to feel scared anymore. It’s these quiet times right now that are giving you too much time to think - and worry.
Still, it makes sense that you’re nervous. I’ll be thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers.
I know this goes without saying, but this too shall pass. I’ve recited that to myself at least a million times over the course of four pregnancies. It helps to know it’s true.
Here for you, girl!
Catching up on my blogs, and just HAD to read yours. I can’t believe only 6-7 weeks left, it has gone so fast! Probably not for you though (so sorry). I remember those feelings, but they go away instantly when you have that baby in your arms. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, and about the sleeplessness, but yes you’re body is getting ready. You’ll be surprised how helpful your little ones can be once he’s here…..wish I lived close by to offer my help. I hope the online support is enough for now.
I think what you are feeling is VERY normal. I would be scared for you if you weren’t nervous. It’s your minds way of getting ready for the big changes to come I think. I know you’ll be fine. And your kids will be a HUGE help, I am sure of it. I am thinking of you! Keep blogging when you feel this way and maybe it will help the anxiety to pass. Big hugs to Betty!