In-laws
It’s been so busy around here at Waya’s house that I haven’t blogged for a while. It’s hard to come up for air while you’re running in circles with four kids and a hubbie (oh alright, he’s the easy part but how do people with more than four kids do it is beyond me!). And when I get the time to sit down to write at night, my mind goes to mush, my body aches, my eyelids are half closed and nothing creative comes out.
Time is ticking until Trent comes home from his 3 hours at school, so I have to think fast and type even faster to get this post out, hopefully it’ll make some sense and not some mumble jumble, and pardon the misspelled words.
I have a few friends who can’t stand the holidays simply because they dread splitting the time with their in-laws (since they can’t stand them) from their own family. Personally, I don’t mind it since they live out-of-state and we don’t get to see them often (four kids and school make it harder for a road trip) but we always welcome them to our home. They come when they can since the drive can be long and tiresome for my FIL (4 hours+) and being that he has such a lead foot (like me) he’s gotten a speeding ticket here and there much to his wife’s chagrin.
But our relationship didn’t start out this way, the in-laws and me. When the hubbie finally brought me home to meet his parents (after 5 years of courtship), you could cut the air with a knife, that’s how intense it was. His parents wanted him to marry someone Korean, like them, so in their eyes…I was no good for their son (the baby of the three siblings), so it didn’t matter if I was educated and come from a good family.
None of that matter until the hubbie spent the whole week driving across the desert from Tahoe to Las Vegas with them. He basically said to his Mom “you got to give her a chance.” And if you ever meet my hubbie, you’d know that he is a trustworthy man, a thoughtful man, a man of integrity, a man of reason, a fair man, a smart man, but simply a great man (that’s why I married him y’all!). And so, his Mom listened and gave me a chance.
As in any relationships, there were trials and tribulations, but throughout those difficult times, the hubbie was my rock. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not the type to kowtow to you and say “yes dear” just to appease his wife or his Mom. He’s got the backbone to say “I think you might want to see it this way…” and he’s not afraid to pitch in and help his wife without being nagged asked. It’s a partnership thing and not “this is your job and this is my job”, I count my lucky stars every single day. I’m really hoping my Sophia is lucky to marry someone like her Daddy!
Oh, did I digress a bit there?! Anyhow, I think my relationship with the in-laws work so well simply because I treat them as if they were my own parents, with respect, kindness and love, not to mention living long distance helps as well. And there’s a selfish reason on my part, if you must know, for treating them well, and it’s called “KARMA” and “what comes around goes around” my friend. I’m looking at 3 future daughters-in-law and 1 son-in-law, so however I treat my in-laws will hopefully rub it off to my kids, hopefully!
To my parents and in-laws, material things don’t matter as much as our frequent visits, weekly phone calls, remembering their b-days, and holidays. To which I’ve gladly obliged and more. They are very appreciative when you care enough to send them a “bon voyage” card and some spending money, to which they returned. And they are extremely generous, always finding ways to hide money for us after they leave our house, “for your spending money, etc…”.
My hubbie’s and my philosophy is that our parents have done more than enough in nurturing and raising us, and now it’s our turn to reciprocate. It saddens me to hear of horror stories of how parents/in-laws are treated by their own children.
One of the qualities that I abhor is stinginess, in a sense that you can splurge on yourself and your own parents with expensive material things, but yet you are so stingy with your in-laws, and not to mention you’ll give your hubbie grief if he does something nice for his parents. I don’t know about you, but giving just for the sake of giving is just as bad. How many ugly sweaters can one person stuff in their closet year after year on their b-day? And don’t even think about re-gifting that fruit cake this holiday season for his parents!
Well, enough of my rambling. I know everyone’s situation is different (you might be extremely kind to your in-laws but yet, they are just plain nasty, then I’d say it’s their loss and their Karma and not yours) and however you treat your parents/in-laws is up to you but just remember that your children take their cue from YOU!
My Dad told us this one Vietnamese fable a long time ago and it stuck with me ’til this day:
An elderly couple lives with their son, daughter-in-law and two kids, 10 and 12. The grandparents are old and frail that they constantly break their porcelain rice bowls while eating. After a few times of having to buy new bowls, the father got fed up and made two bowls out of wood for his parents to use.
One day he saw his 12 y/o son sanding and sawing wood, curious he asked “what are you doing son?” and the son replied “I’m making you and mom wooden bowls for when you are old so you won’t break the porcelain bowls.” The father was in shock and in disbelief at how bad he treated his own parents, so from that point on, he gave them back their porcelain bowls and cherished every moment he has with his parents.
THE END
It’s been so busy around here at Waya’s house that I haven’t blogged for a while. It’s hard to come up for air while you’re running in circles with four kids and a hubbie (oh alright, he’s the easy part but how do people with more than four kids do it is beyond me!). And when I get the time to sit down to write at night, my mind goes to mush, my body aches, my eyelids are half closed and nothing creative comes out.
Time is ticking until Trent comes home from his 3 hours at school, so I have to think fast and type even faster to get this post out, hopefully it’ll make some sense and not some mumble jumble, and pardon the misspelled words.
I have a few friends who can’t stand the holidays simply because they dread splitting the time with their in-laws (since they can’t stand them) from their own family. Personally, I don’t mind it since they live out-of-state and we don’t get to see them often (four kids and school make it harder for a road trip) but we always welcome them to our home. They come when they can since the drive can be long and tiresome for my FIL (4 hours+) and being that he has such a lead foot (like me) he’s gotten a speeding ticket here and there much to his wife’s chagrin.
But our relationship didn’t start out this way, the in-laws and me. When the hubbie finally brought me home to meet his parents (after 5 years of courtship), you could cut the air with a knife, that’s how intense it was. His parents wanted him to marry someone Korean, like them, so in their eyes…I was no good for their son (the baby of the three siblings), so it didn’t matter if I was educated and come from a good family.
None of that matter until the hubbie spent the whole week driving across the desert from Tahoe to Las Vegas with them. He basically said to his Mom “you got to give her a chance.” And if you ever meet my hubbie, you’d know that he is a trustworthy man, a thoughtful man, a man of integrity, a man of reason, a fair man, a smart man, but simply a great man (that’s why I married him y’all!). And so, his Mom listened and gave me a chance.
As in any relationships, there were trials and tribulations, but throughout those difficult times, the hubbie was my rock. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not the type to kowtow to you and say “yes dear” just to appease his wife or his Mom. He’s got the backbone to say “I think you might want to see it this way…” and he’s not afraid to pitch in and help his wife without being nagged asked. It’s a partnership thing and not “this is your job and this is my job”, I count my lucky stars every single day. I’m really hoping my Sophia is lucky to marry someone like her Daddy!
Oh, did I digress a bit there?! Anyhow, I think my relationship with the in-laws work so well simply because I treat them as if they were my own parents, with respect, kindness and love, not to mention living long distance helps as well. And there’s a selfish reason on my part, if you must know, for treating them well, and it’s called “KARMA” and “what comes around goes around” my friend. I’m looking at 3 future daughters-in-law and 1 son-in-law, so however I treat my in-laws will hopefully rub it off to my kids, hopefully!
To my parents and in-laws, material things don’t matter as much as our frequent visits, weekly phone calls, remembering their b-days, and holidays. To which I’ve gladly obliged and more. They are very appreciative when you care enough to send them a “bon voyage” card and some spending money, to which they returned. And they are extremely generous, always finding ways to hide money for us after they leave our house, “for your spending money, etc…”.
My hubbie’s and my philosophy is that our parents have done more than enough in nurturing and raising us, and now it’s our turn to reciprocate. It saddens me to hear of horror stories of how parents/in-laws are treated by their own children.
One of the qualities that I abhor is stinginess, in a sense that you can splurge on yourself and your own parents with expensive material things, but yet you are so stingy with your in-laws, and not to mention you’ll give your hubbie grief if he does something nice for his parents. I don’t know about you, but giving just for the sake of giving is just as bad. How many ugly sweaters can one person stuff in their closet year after year on their b-day? And don’t even think about re-gifting that fruit cake this holiday season for his parents!
Well, enough of my rambling. I know everyone’s situation is different (you might be extremely kind to your in-laws but yet, they are just plain nasty, then I’d say it’s their loss and their Karma and not yours) and however you treat your parents/in-laws is up to you but just remember that your children take their cue from YOU!
My Dad told us this one Vietnamese fable a long time ago and it stuck with me ’til this day:
An elderly couple lives with their son, daughter-in-law and two kids, 10 and 12. The grandparents are old and frail that they constantly break their porcelain rice bowls while eating. After a few times of having to buy new bowls, the father got fed up and made two bowls out of wood for his parents to use.
One day he saw his 12 y/o son sanding and sawing wood, curious he asked “what are you doing son?” and the son replied “I’m making you and mom wooden bowls for when you are old so you won’t break the porcelain bowls.” The father was in shock and in disbelief at how bad he treated his own parents, so from that point on, he gave them back their porcelain bowls and cherished every moment he has with his parents.
THE END
Great story. I am so lucky to have a nice MIL and my mom and dad are just amazing. I’ve always known they were fantastic but these last few weeks with my broken ankle, they just go above and beyond and it means so much to me. We’re lucky, hey?
Anyway, wanted to let you know you won an HP photobook by commenting on my blog. I’ll shoot you an email to get your address. Congrats!!!!
I get along with my in-laws okay I guess. They irritate me a lot, but I try to just grin and bear it. I don’t have to see them very often anyway.
I like your thoughts on karma.
I like your thoughts on karma too. I am semi lucky with my in-laws. My MIL is CRAZY and hates me. My FIL, they are divorced, tries to be very supportive and keep with up with the kids are doing ect. MY MIL could care less. She has no relationship with the boys and doesn’t care to. It’s very sad and totally her loss.
Anyway, I am glad you have such a good relationship with your in-laws. They lucked out to get such a great daughter-in-law.
WOo hoo! New post. I mean I loved the deer but I keep checking back and seeing him . . .
My MIL already passed away and my FIL is halfway across the country so we don’t mingle very often. Still we get along just fine.
I liked that rice bowl story. You never hear great moral fables like that from Norwegians.
You have such a fabulous family.
First: I never thought you would post even less frequently than I do…
second: I took the fam through the KFC drivethru and both you and Tony will applaud that I did not forget the cole slaw!
and the rice bowl story…Nice!
It’s kind of hard when you have to pump, nurse, wipe bums, feed kids, cook, clean, sleep and blog frequent Dennis.
My mouth is watering just thinking about those drumstick! Just the chicken for me, all the other “fluffs” are for the kids and the hubbie loves some slaws. But I think I’m all chicken out, I made 8 cornish hens for our usual get together this past Sunday and needless to say I had dreams of cornish hens running after me with pitch forks.
Congratulations Betty!!!! You won an HP camera over at Second to the Right! I’ll shoot you a separate email with the details!
Mandy
http://mandaroo1128.blogspot.com/
Thanks Mandy! I should go out and buy a lottery ticket or two! An early b-day and Xmas gift for moi?! Yippee!!
I get along with the wife’s father better than she gets along with him. He never had any son’s and he’s not into sports too.
When her mom was around, we got along really well. She made me pies and other baked goods — you can’t get better than that!
WHAT?! No mentioning of KFC Tony?